I’ve been torn for a while about the proper role of social media in a healthy life. Part of me wants to believe it can be redeemed. I like the idea of building a new internet, one that isn’t run by corporations, one where people connect directly instead of through the choke points of big tech companies. That’s why I’ve followed projects like nostr and other decentralized networks. It feels like the internet’s original spirit: open, messy, and human.
But there’s another side to the story, one I can’t ignore. Many smart people have pointed out that social media, by its nature, creates para-social relationships. These aren’t real friendships or genuine community; they’re simulations. The platforms give you the feeling of connection without the substance of it. And just like fast food gives you the feeling of nourishment without the nutrition, social media leaves you hollow over time.
I even tried my own experiment. I forked a popular nostr client and stripped out some of the dopamine traps, no infinite scrolling, no engagement counters, no little red badges. It helped, but it didn’t fix the core issue. The short-format posting style itself encourages shallow interaction. You skim, you react, you move on. It’s not a conversation. It’s not even much of a thought. And it’s hard to build anything resembling deep human connection in that environment.
The truth is, the problem isn’t just corporate control. It’s the medium itself. Short bursts of content, even on a decentralized network, still pull us toward quick takes and reactive thinking. They still compete for our attention in a way that nudges us away from presence in our own lives.
So maybe the answer isn’t to “fix” social media at all. Maybe it’s to walk away from it, at least the part of it that tries to mimic human relationships while hollowing them out. That doesn’t mean abandoning the internet. There are better ways to use it: long-form discussion boards, private group chats, direct one-on-one messages, even old-fashioned email. These may not have the same addictive pull, but that’s exactly the point.
If we’re serious about real connection, we have to pull the plug on the cheap substitute. Social media, whether centralized or decentralized, keeps us in the fast-food version of human interaction. The longer we stay there, the more we forget what real community even tastes like.